Hi!
My name is Levi, also known as Lackadaisys!Lackadaisys is a solo music project that is essentially my whole brain all squished into four different albums documenting mental health, heartbreak, and just my genderqueer, strange life in general.
My work takes inspiration from artists such as Phoebe Bridgers, The Front Bottoms, The Beths and Mom Jeans.My goal is to help other people who also feel strange in their daily life know they’re not alone in this big crazy world, and that even though life gets insane sometimes, things generally work out and the earth keeps spinning.I am based in Northern Illinois and love playing DIY shows in the Rockford and Chicago areas! I’m always down to travel though :)

HeartStrong

Brighter Days

All The Things I Never Said

Happiness

Say Hello, Or Lets Book A Show🩷

• Contact: [email protected]

Guess I’m really not one to talk much
Guess it’s not really my fault
I’m not the one who did this to me(they) Say to chill out,
“Hey, what’s the rush?
You don’t have to be everything yet”,
Just feels like there’s something waiting on mebutI know the last thing I see
Will probably be a broken phone screen
‘Cause I’m careless
I’m so careless
yeah I could care less about meAnd I hide from the monsters under by bed
And I’m still running from the ones inside my headThey can’t get me
They won’t get me
I’m gonna make it to 20But it’s
So hard to take up space
Something I can never get enough of
So that must be why
Karma keeps serving it up
Like a plate of breakfast
Two cracked eggs
Four rude exes
Fourteen “friends”
Who don’t wanna be near me
butI know I probably deserve this
Broken bones created from sins of my past
Guess I just must not be a good person
Is this karma created in this life or my last?And I know
The last thing I see
Will probably be a broken phone screen
‘Cause I’m younger
Than I thought I was
And
I still stare at the scars on my knees
Guess I’m always on the ground and I’m begging
Guess I’m not as tough as I think I amBut it’s gonna get better
I promise
I’m gonna get better
Even If I’m still two blocks from home
I’m gonna get better yeah I’ve got this
I’m gonna make it to twenty years old

Choose Your Adventure! <3

Pick An Album!
(to view the songs+lyrics)

• 1. Karmic Breakfast (Lyrics)

• 2. Graveyard (lyrics)

• 3. Salty Tears (Lyrics)

• 4. Apparition (lyrics)

• 5. Business Home (Lyrics)

• 6. Sheets (Lyrics)

• 7. Feigned (lyrics)

Your ego is running wild again
It’s hard to believe that we were once friends
Almost like a pair of strangers
but worseChit-chat ‘bout why we stick around
Our feet are sinking in this town
Soon we’ll be six feet in the god damned dirt“This place feels like a cemetery
It’s a cemetery”
I tell you,
“Yeah we’re standing in the graveyard of us at 16”Because one day we’re all
Just gonna rot
‘Cause we’re alive
Until we’re not
And I will look around and ask myself What I see,
Just these
Poor tortured souls,
Drifting at seaTons of assholes
Think I’d rather be
Buried somewhere more privateAnd alone

Sitting again
At home with a friend this time
It’s an intervention
It’s an interventionSit at home on the couch try to
Clear my mind to bring the damn thoughts out
I’d get high but it’d just freak me out
So i’ll tryAnd I don’t know why
Everytime I try
I just cry (x4)Jamie says to me
“Hey Emily,
I don’t think it’s as funny as you do…
You need to cut that shit out don’t you?”Sit at home on the couch
Try to read a book to bring the god damned thoughts out
And I’d get high but it’d just freak me outSo I’ll tryAnd I don’t know why
Everytime I try
I just cry (x4)So I’ll bring you back ‘round again
Next time I call up a friend
I’ll keep this in mind
Keep this in mind
‘Cause I’m not coming home again to a
God damned intervention
I’ll just cry
I’ll just crySo I’ll bring it around again
And get back on my feet alone
This timeAnd I don’t know why
Everytime I try
I just cry (x4)
(x2)

‘Cause I’m a hopeless romantic
More hopeless than I am romantic
Dreaming of your angel face
Bringing you flowers in a vaseI don’t feel my heart break
I just feel it leave and I can’t even see the things that are
Right in front of meLooking for knowledge in books I can’t read
But the only truth I want is her weird conspiraciesBut here I go again
Making it up in my head
In about 2 months I’ll be
Over it or deadOr dead (x2)Or she’s still in my head
In my head
She’s in my headShe’s in the air
An apparition
She’s laughing
She’s dancing in the kitchen
And I swore I heard her breathing
I know i saw her paintingAnd she’s sitting with me in the car
She’s talking to me in the dark
And I know she’s gonna break my heart
Know she’s gonna break my heartBut here I go again
Making it up in my head
In about 2 months I’ll be
Over it or deadOr dead (x)
Or she’s still in my head
In my head
she’s in my headShe’s in the air
An apparition
She’s laughing
She’s dancing in the kitchen
And I swore I heard her breathing
I know i saw her paintingAnd she’s sitting with me in the car
She’s talking to me in the dark
And I know she’s gonna break my heart
Know she’s gonna break my heartHopeless
Romantic
More hopeless than I am romantic

Because when my parents left I’d pretend this was our home
A big backyard and a garden through the window
But back in those days I never went outside
If only they told me there was no life inside my eyesBut you’d smoke a pack a week
And I’ll never forget
The way that your hands always smelt like cigarettesAnd it took you two whole years to figure it out
That I was just something that you needed to be withoutBut I’m sick of your face now
And fuck you because I can tell I loved you
from the way it tore me apart when you left
And the way I’m scared of black cars nowAnd I hate you ‘cause I’m so afraid of seeing you or hearing you say
that you want me back
‘Cause i’ll never wanna go backI won’t go backAnd I guess i kind of miss you the way a bird
misses it’s old eggAnd I guess i kinda wanted you
The same way a kid wants a broken legAnd I guess I kinda loved you the way a mother loves her son
No i never wanted to but I had to be the only oneBut I’m sick of your face now
And fuck you because I can tell I loved you
from the way it tore me apart when you left
And the way I’m scared of black cars nowAnd I hate you ‘cause I’m so afraid of seeing you or hearing you say
that you want me back
‘Cause i’ll never wanna go backI won’t go backAnd I guess i kind of wanted you
The way a kid wants a broken legAnd I guess I kind of loved you the way a mother loves her son
No i never wanted to but I had to be the only one

Marbled hands
Dreary eyes
My mother wears that same shade of auburn in her hair
You pull me in
You laugh and I can’t help but feel like there’s been something missing my whole lifeSo cover me up from the outside in Let me stand in your sunshine
I give up because if I’m not perfect yet
Than I will never be,
so just hold me
‘till I’m more than just some dust between your sheetsSomber friends
With good intentions
I never knew that people could be so happy just where they were
Except for you
How do you that?I give up because if I’m not what you want
Then I will never be so just hold me
untill my brain rots from this sickness I call love or admiration
it’s intoxication
it’s hyper-fixationSo I give up
Because, I’m not what you want
And I will never be
No, no
I will never be

I don’t feel as bad about it anymore
You showed what love is and now I know that I don’t want it
So I’ll carve you out
‘Till I can’t hear you in the jokes I tell myselfI can’t wait
For the day
The voice in my head is mine and not yoursSo don’t tell me one more time
That you miss me
I’ll be fine in an hour
I’ll just cry in the shower
‘Cause I know that tomorrow’s a new day
And I’ll still feel my heart break
‘Cause I know that all your love was feigned‘Cause you’re so fucking fakeI didn’t know love was ‘sposed to be mean
Threw me out the car the second things were too hard
Focus on myself
Try to get some help
He’ll lead me to the dore
But I swear I’ve been there beforeSo when this all ends and I can be alone againI’ll ask myself
Why the hell I ever put up with itSo don’t tell me one more time
That you miss me
I’ll be fine in an hour
I’ll just cry in the shower
‘Cause I know that tomorrow’s a new day
And I’ll still feel my heart break
‘Cause I know that all your love was feigned‘Cause you’re so fucking fakeSo fucking fakeAnd I think it’s really funny
I was 15,
You were 20,
and you never told your friends about meStill it’s just so sad
The only good times that we had
Always ended with you yelling at meAnd I don’t think that it’s funny
I was 15, you were 20
And you didnt give a damn about me!
Honestly it’s just stupid
I should’ve listened when they said
That you were probably grooming meSo don’t tell me one more time that you miss me
I’ll be fine in an hour
I’ll just cry in the showerBut tomorrows a new day
And I won’t feel my heart break
‘Cause I know that all your love was feignedAnd you’re so fucking fakeAnd all your love was feigned
It was feigned
It was feigned
All your love was feigned

I think that something’s wrong with me
I gotta fix it before it’s too lateSomething’s going on with me
I gotta fix it before it’s too late
Too lateToo lateMy refusal to believe I actually am a real person
that i’m not some horrid monster
That no one wants to be withIf I can’t stay with myself
How can i expect anyone else to?
‘cause everyday i make myself
wanna bl*w my brains out in my bedroomSo i completely understand
you should stay the fuck away from me
I’m only evil
and i’m toxic
and i’ll poison all your fucking memoriesi wish i could just leave
but i have this horrid spite to stay herejust to see it for myself that i could never find a place here
that’ll help me feel okay
somewhere that i could just feel loved
and sometimes i wish
that i could just give myself
a hugi think that somethings wrong with me
i gotta fix it before it’s too latesomething’s going on with mei gotta fix it before itstoo latetoo

• 1. Too Late

• 2. Mars

• 3. Honeybee

• 4. Ask Caroline

• 5. Imperfections

• 6. Sane

• 7. Butterflies

• 8. Body Bag

• 9. Sane (reprise)

• 10. Sunflowers

• 11. Fuck You

Take me back to
when it was just me and you
best friends
more like lovers
then to strangers
aint that the truth?take me back to the time
when it was just you and i
best friends
more like strangers
‘cause i was never enough for you in my mindon my way to mars
sneaking into bars
all the empty cars in this lot
can see me crying about you
being this idiot that i thought
i would grow out of
past the age of 13
oh someone grab me
rip this immaturity right out of me‘cause i dont know how to find a way out of this world
without hurting anybody and i
dont know how to get out of this cursed sack of meat
that i call i body and i’m
trying so hard to realign myself i’m
doing the therapy and i have got
the breathing down
and i dont know how
i could ever figure this outwithout taking something away from you

Instead of new scars I got some new tattoos
and i’m dying in the pit
but i only think of you
i try not to hate myself anymore i’d do anything not to be on your side
not to admit you were righti should watch the bridges i burn
just not with a beer in my hand
so i’ll sit and try to curb
the self destructive tendencies
i feel like i cant be a good person
though i do my best i do my best all the time
God i tryso i’ll sit and soak in the hatred and anxieties
just holding in the fear that karma’s out to get me
it comes back around
everytime i fuck shit up
but i’m trying
God i’m tryingbut there’s this voice in my head that says
“FUCK SHIT UP!!!”
i just want everyone to forget about me
to give up on me
so i can give up on myself
i think i need some help

today my head is loud and empty
can’t believe i dated a boy who yelled at me all the time
i mean just ask Carolinei talk to much
wish i could undo everything ive ever done
wring my body of this guilt
cut the ties off the burden i drag around
i can pretend that i’m better
i’m doing better
i’m getting better all the timewould you believe me if i told you
i havent given up after all of this timejust ask Caroline

one of these days i'll get the hang of this
and this hollow feeling in my chest will fill with the words
that i can't get out
and i will no longer have the urge to smash my face in
all the self hate will have somewhere to go
get it out (x3)wish i could rip my face off
knock my teeth out
erase these imperfections
take my words back
rip my heart out
and wear it on my sleeveso i won't have to feel bad about it anymore
no i won't have to feel bad about it at all

hey! shut the fuck up!
you're never gonna be enough
and nobody wants you around
these are some things i tell myself
it's hard to go outside
when everyone wants you to die
and it's hard to be me and you
'cause everyone's just so confusedthey treat you really nice
but it goes in one ear and out the other
because the only thing we know is how best to make ourselves sufferso we block out the noise and tell ourselves to be quiet
we just gotta close our mouths, cut our hair and start another dietbut i'm so fucking tired of this world
the one that i've made for myself
though the other ones a fucking hell tooi just wanna be a happy girl
but somethings dragging me back down
it throws me up and shakes me aroundbut i'll keep smoking weed as an attempt to form a personalityand i'll keep writing stupid songs
trying to figure out where i'm going wrongand i'll keep playing guitar to get out all the words in my heart and
keep on this quest just trying to do my best andsomeone shut me up i just need to get some rest
it's an early day tomorrow and my life's already a fucking messbut it's keeping me sane
it's something to do and its a fever dream to shakeit's holding me down
it's keeping me above the water when i feel like i'm gonna fucking drown
somaybe it's embarrassing to be on this stage
but at least i have a purpose,
something not everyone can say

You take me back home
I'm feeling all grown up
you saved the photographs
you text my mother back
so glad that you showed up
and i
don't know why
but my side of the fence has been a lot more green since i've had you in my lifeso baby water the flowers and we'll sit and watch the butterflies

you say
that i'm too much for you
or not enough for you babyi think i'm not enough for anyone else either lately
been thinking that maybe
i'd be lighter in a body bag babybeen making you carry me aroundand you walk me home
two blocks down the road and i start to freak outi didnt know you'd be leaving so soon and i'm trying not to shout
about your friends
all the shit that they say thinking they know best
and i'll admit we werent the perfect match but i think we got pretty close for a biti'll find someone else to get hooked on for a year 'till i have to quit
sure i like myself but that doesn't mean i'm any good to be with
but you keep me around
someone to hold you close
wipe your tears off when you cryit makes no sense saying you want me all this time it was a liebut i am doomed to fail because nobody wants me to succeed
and now i stink like smoke from trying to choke down the cigarettes that you left meand you're a lost dream maybe a lost cause
and i'm alone on a stage and i hear no applause saying
baby i need you
but you're never there story of my life
god this feels so unfairis it better to have loved and lost?
god i wish i never spoke to you at all
you moved into my brain,
took up way too much space and
i am the one who takes the fallwhen you think of me
hope you remember the day i said
"you're gonna leave me"
and you laughed and shook your headlook at us now i'm a fool in a chair and you probably wish you were never there for me

I think we both can agree I don't deserve good thingsIt's something that becomes more evident with timeIt's something that soon you're gonna find

But it's keeping me
sane
it's something to do and it's a fever dream to chase
it's holding me down
it's keeping me above the water when i feel like i'm gonna fucking drownand i might never go to college
'cause i think i'm still growing up
but i'm afraid my lack of knowledge
won't keep me from always fucking upand i might never go to college
'cause i think i'm always growing up
and i've got decades full of knowledge
but somehow i dont feel like it's enough

digging down deep
for something inside of me
but i haven't found anything yettell me when you look at me
what do you see?
'cause i haven't seen anything yetand God just tell me the truth
the fuck am i here to do?
'cause i havent done anything yetand if i really was made
to just sit here and rot awaytell me why haven't i decomposed yetand if i overdose in this field of sunflowers
just tell my family
it's not their fault'cause i'm just so damn tired
and i just wanna go back
to wherever it is i came fromI have felt this way before
and i felt just as lost then as i do now
it's getting harder to ignore
all the pieces inside of me that just wanna fall right outand if i overdose in this field of sunflowers
just tell my family
it's not their fault'cause i'm just so damn tired
and i just wanna go back
to wherever it is i came from
I came fromI just gotta (x3)
get this out of my headI just gotta (x3)
get this out of my head (x2)and if i overdose in this field of sunflowers
just tell my family
please
it's not their fault'cause i'm just so damn tired
and i just wanna go back
to wherever it is i came from

compliment me
'till i swear i'd have your baby
hypnotize me with the circles you talk insay i'm pretty
pretty blind to all your bullshit
i'm your
"little baddie"
with a pillow shoved in my faceGod i wish i could erase all those days
all those moments go back in time
tell myself what trouble you wereand if i ever see your face
you won't see it coming
when my fist flies through the air
and i knock you back to the ground
you belong in (x3)

• 1. Karma (lyrics)

• 2. Phases (lyrics)

• 3. Self Love (lyrics)

• 4. Optimist (lyrics)

• 5. Earth (lyrics)

• 6. Almost Okay (lyrics)

• 7. Time (lyrics)

• 8. Changes (lyrics)

• 9. Embers (lyrics)

I don't know if it was karma
Or it was just what I needed
But maybe they're both the same
I don't know what path I'm on
Or where I'm headed
But I'm grateful for where I've been
'Cause every day the earth turns back around
And the sun comes up
And everything that did not work out
Would've just disrupted the path He made for me
And where it leads holds so many beautiful things
And just what I'll ever need
Is all that I'll ever need
The lungs with which I breathe
Life crashing over me
So draw me in the deep
Drag me out to sea
And in Your arms I'll be
Finally set free

I got phases like the moon
But each one is brand new
Never know what I might get when I look in the mirror
It's blinding me like headlights and I feel just like a deer
And I'm getting so old
I'm always so damn cold
I feel the teardrops in my eyes crystallize and i know I'm home
When life just wants to bring me down
Instead it throws me 'round and 'round
Sending me on my way out as a person I do not know
And I meet them every day
A new part of myself that I cannot turn away
Grab 'em by the hand and say
"Come on in" 'cause I hope they'll stay
Yeah, I hope they'll stay
And I know they'll stay
Yeah, I know they'll stay

One, two, three, four
(So, do you love yourself yet?
I don't know)
Think I can finally say I've learned to make it through the days
Looked in the mirror so I could see who's been in my way
Tell her it's fine and politely say, "Excuse me"
Smile as I pass her by 'cause I know she's just like me
And I'm still talking myself down when
I'm freaking out in the middle of a crowd
'Cause whether here or alone, my head just still is so loud
Been letting myself escape, leaving without a sound
In my car breathing fine with nobody around
Just to get home, lay in bed, pretend I'm already dead
Hide away from the world and the thoughts in my headBut I gotta get myself up
Practice the art of doing something when I'm stuck doing nothing
And shake myself off
Find some self-love
I'm living for tomorrow just to make it through today
So you have all these voices in your head
Have you ever tried just like, being nice to them or something?
And it takes a lot every day to forgive myself
But I'm so over trying to convict myself
Learn to breathe, learn to fight and give grace to myself
'Cause hell, she's just like me
And I know I don't do enough
So I call my own bluff
'Cause it's not trying if I'm not doing something
So I learn to be tough
Don't sweat the small stuff
You'll make it to tomorrow if you just get through today
There's something in my way
Always something in my way
(So listen) It's just me in my way
(You're never gonna love the person you become
Unless you learn to love the person you are, right?)

And it's almost four o'clock
I'm indecisive, can't make up my mind
But I'm ready for a new phase of this life
And I know nobody understands
I change with every blink of an eye
You're not gonna get it, so please don't even try
Please don't even try
I've reaped all that I have sown
I have an abundance of love
I've grown by knowing that there's no truth in disguise
And I know to never let go
I'm setting things up for my whole life
You can't ever make me apologize for that
Somehow I'm an optimist and I still exist
After everything, I learned to persist
Never thought I'd make my way out
And with every day I get further away
From all the times I didn't wanna stay
And I think that I can finally breathe again
But I swear it gets better
I promise you're gonna get better
Even if you're still two blocks from home
It'll get better, yeah, you've got this
You've got this
And I still don't know how I managed to grow
Through every storm and tornado
But I think soon my leaves will be green again

Say you want me to calm down
I'm a little bit calmer now
And I'm starting to come down
I'm a little less high now
And I'll never know how
But you got me figured out
Got me sitting at home now
Trying to pray this out
'Cause I'm scared one day you'll step away
And I will float away
'Cause you bring me back to the solid ground
Yeah, you bring me back to the solid ground
Oh, wish I could get you
To not leave me alone when I tell you to
If there's something I could do
To get you to realize the size of my eyes
Is not 'cause I'm high, I'm just looking at you

Feel tightness in my chest
Think I've been holding my breath
Can't let go of the stress
Just hoping for the best
And I've been waiting anxiously for something to happen
I'm seething in my skin, writing lyrics on a napkin
So I order some pancakes this side of divination
Is this life really a product of my creation?
I pray the Lord has some mercy on me
Let something go right for once
'Cause I've been fucked up for years and years on end
But I've been almost okay for months
And I've been looking for fresh air but still breathing in the smoke
At least I can breathe now without having to choke
On my insecurities
Tell me what is in store for me
And I'll take it as it comes
Watch it as it goes
Not where I wanna be
But I know I'm getting close
Don't know where I'm going
But I'm taking these steps
Not where I wanna be
Just haven't made it there yet

Take a lot of time off these days
Spend a lot of time in this place
And I don't know if you can see it now
But it's been written all over my face
Think I've finally figured out
Think I'm digging my way out now
These days I find it hard to believe
That I ever had a doubt
Because I don't know who was gonna say it first
But there is something inside me that is worth being saved
And I don't know who was gonna tell me about it
But everything that I needed was in my heart staying safe
And I let everyone have the key but myself
Think I am ready to see what's inside
Could it be something so terrible just like everyone said?
Is it a reason to run and hide?
Spent years repeating the phrase
"I don't belong in this place"
But life is what you make it
I promise someday things might just go your way
Because I don't know who was gonna tell you first
But it'll all be alright someday
Know we're all sick of everyone's fucking empty words
Need something better than just okay
So take a deep breath and really hold it in
And thank something that you're alive
'Cause if we've got nothing but only one more day
At least we still have some sort of time
You still have time
You still got time
You still got time
Oh, thank something you still have time

My hair's growing back
I thought it might never
And it's almost black
Still curly as ever
I got it all back
All of my sanity
Got more than I've ever had
Thank you God for giving it to me
And you can blame the medication
Or you can blame the time of day
And you can say I'm always changing
I know I'd die if I stayed the same
Look at what you have
Remember when you asked for it
Never forget the lack
And know that nothing's permanent
'Cause we can say we don't got nothing
And we can waste away our days
But God knows we're always searching
For something else to take its place
I could never go back
I can't name a single day
That would be enough
One where I felt okay
But now I'm here
Building my nursery
And I will say thank you
For everything that comes to me
'Cause I can take the medication
And I can sleep away my days
But God knows that I need changing
And that I'd die if I stayed the same

I'm not used to wanting to stick around
I had dreams of burning this place down
With me inside with nowhere to hide
So no one would have to clean up my mess
I'm not used to finding a way out of my cage
That I built myself
'Cause the world never stops and it all piles up
And the mold creeps in while I lay around
I spent the last three years in a daze
Asking my friends for help
As if they could move my idle hands
And follow through with my plans
Of making it big, of making things great
And I don't know what was wrong in the first place
Don't know why I could never find my place
In this busy world
I can't keep up on my own
I need more than a brace to support these hollow bones
Always meant to fly, never meant to succumb to the earth
With my feet on the ground
And is it all really worth the work anyways?
It's not like I'll ever be okay
With a big, big house that always stays clean
And a child to love that doesn't know how to be mean
But I think someone sent you to me
Someone greater than my understanding
And I feel bad I never did it on my own
But maybe I don't have to
'Cause you cleaned up my mess
And you never get mad when I can't get dressed
Or get out of bed
You just kiss my face
Say it'll be okay
Tomorrow's another day to try again
So I try again

• 1. rot (lyrics)

• 2. Dog Dayz (lyrics)

• 3. Responsible (lyrics)

• 4. dandelions (lyrics)

• 5. tell me (lyrics)

• 6. problems (lyrics)

• 7. 30 (lyrics)

• 8. teeth (lyrics)

• 9. found family (lyrics)

• 10. survive (lyrics)

• 11. n1ck s1ck (lyrics)

• 12. divine (lyrics)

• 13. eyesore (lyrics)

• 14. better days (lyrics)

• 15. sunlight (lyrics)

• 16. Brighter Days (lyrics)

• 1. The Way I Love (lyrics)
• 2. Snake (lyrics)

My Art

Cool girl
(God i dont know what would you name her??)

Summerboy
(like the ladygaga song)
(he’s a queen)

Heartstrong Album Cover
Original

Die Your Daughter
(not for sale)
(inspired by the song by Susannah Joffe)

Speckle

Y U MAD?

Happiness Album Cover
Original

In Loving Memory of Kristen Howell
(not for sale)

Seraphine
(once again idk what to name her)

She’s a rainbow
(like the Rolling Stones song)

(Just posting again to be clear these two are canonically siblings i suggest buying both)

Moomin
((This is a mural i did.))
((you cannot buy this))
. But if you want me to paint something for you feel free to reach out! :)

Ask CarolineThis one has a lot of emotions embedded in it if you want it you can have it for $30 okay i lowkey want it out of my house

Portrait Commission
(Sold!)

Window Painted for Local Business in Oregon IL

(Real talk, I love making art, so i’m open to commissions! I love painting portraits, And i WILL paint your cat. pay what you can as well, seriously.)See anything you like? :)
Feel free to send me an offer❣️